Perfectly Dysfunctional
by x-clownsdontbounce-x
Summary: —Her lips lingered there for a second too long. In a way, she mused, it was like staying in the shower for a few minutes longer than necessary; just to savour that warm, fuzzy feeling. "I need you to do me a favour." [Beck/Jade] [AU].


Hi sweeties!

It's new story time~! This was cowritten with the ridiculously fabulous JadelynAugustWest—

**disclaimer: Plot twist! I am Dan Schneider *bursts out into a fit of disturbingly feminine giggles*** **(if you bought that, don't worry—there are pills for your problem, honey.)**

**notes: **The gang (apart from Beck) went to a school in Northridge called 'Northridge Secondary of Theater and production'. Beck and Jade met at 'Hollywood Arts acting camp', where they fell in love, messed around and broke up because Beck cheated on Jade. (as mentioned in the story.) This takes place 5 years after the events of acting camp. Beck and Jade are both in their early twenties. Beck has an office job and Jade is a playwright and hobbyist singer.

enjoy :)

* * *

><p><strong>Jade's POV.<strong>

I stifled a laugh when my best friend—who currently occupied the passenger seat of my car— pointed at yet another poster for my new play; this time stuck to the side of a building by the lantern-lit road. "Look Jadey!" she screeched, "It's _Clowns Don't Bounce_!"

This was the umpteenth poster we'd passed on the ten-mile drive home, and the little redhead sounded just as excited as she had sounded when we spotted the first. Eyes flitting to the girl in the passenger seat, I cracked a smile and reached over to ruffle her hair, "It is."

We drove in silence for a while (as silent as Cat Valentine got, anyway), before I saw another poster and—in an attempt to distract Cat before her obnoxious giggling could start up again— chimed in with a:"You know what?"

"Oh~! Are we playing twenty questions_?_"

"I think I'm going to invite Vega to the première. You know? so she knows I got to produce it in the end," I told the redhead, ignoring her question completely, "I can't wait to see her face."

"You're inviting Tori? Yay~! Then the two of you will finally have time to catch up." Cat said, playfully punching me in the arm.

_It was true, to some extent, that I wasn't just inviting Tori so I could rub my success in her face._ I hadn't spoken to my old friend in ages, and I _admittedly_ missed walking up behind her and scaring her in the hallways each morning.

"Yeah..."

a few more posters and two servings of frozen yoghurt later, I dropped Cat off at the house she shared with her fiancé Robbie and headed back home, where the only thing that was waiting for _me_ was a pile of laundry and some leftover pasta from the night before.

* * *

><p>When I got home from my trip to the mall with Cat, I kicked off my heels and sat down behind my laptop; deciding tonight was the perfect time to check my email. With all the coffee in my system, it was nearly impossible to fall asleep before midnight anyway. subconsciously tapping my nails against the tabletop, I waited for the device to find a network connection. <em>loading, loading, loading, loading<em>—<em> _The frown on my face deepened. _Slow internet was just so beneficial for my stress level..._

I fought the urge to throw something_—anything_—at my laptop and made my way to the kitchen to prepare myself a cup of camomile tea to warm my hands to before once again settling behind the computer. Finally, the notification window popped up; _you have_ _sixty-two new messages. _Life had been quite busy since I decided to rewrite and produce my highschool PA project _Clowns Don't Bounce,_ and I was loving all the positive attention it got me and my earlier work. I wasn't exactly loving the fan mail, though; especially seeing as my manager had insisted I answer each message—even the creepy ones.

I smiled softly to myself as I read through the first message—Cat's—which contained her Nona's famous recipe for cream-cheese frosted red velvet cupcakes. She made those for her birthday party last month and had insisted on giving me the recipe after I'd downed the entire batch. _Where would I be without her?_

Just as I was about to open a new message, the ringing of the telephone pierced the silence. My breath caught in my throat at the sudden noise._ I wasn't expecting a call._ Still clutching my teacup, I got up, knocking over my chair in the process. "Fuck," I muttered, practically throwing the cup of liquid back onto the table and putting the surprisingly heavy chair back upright; making it look like nothing had happened.

I darted across the room, ignoring the incessant burning in the soles of my feet where my shoes had caused some less than pretty blisters, and grabbed the receiver, holding it to my ear. "Who the fuck are you and how did you get my number?"

"Ah Jadelyn, I see you're still awake." the painfully familiar voice on the other end of the line teased. I guess it might be wise to check the caller ID before answering next time.

"father," I sighed.

His tone turned more serious, "About the dinner party this Friday, you're going to have to bring… Company," he cleared his throat almost dramatically,"You know how we told your grandparents you're getting married? I figured I—" I pressed the end call button before he could say another word, muttering a series of highly unfeminine curse words under my breath. I knew exactly what he was getting at; I was going to have to bring a _date._

This was a disaster. I didn't date; I simply didn't. I was _undateable. _the only thing I could come up with; the only thing I could possibly do in a situation like this, was calling my best friend.

* * *

><p><strong>Narrator's POV.<strong>

Cat had given her the address of _some guy she knew from way back in the days_. It seemed it wasn't a house or an apartment building it belonged to—it was a firm, located on an industrial terrain in the outskirts of town; the kind where nameless slaves of society worked from nine to five to provide for a family they barely saw. This guy was probably workaholic. Or unhygienic. Possibly even both. _Perfect. _

At least she had her scissors with her.

Jade carefully opened the door to 'his' office, wincing at the squeaking noise caused by the rusty hinges. She inwardly sighed in relief when she saw him sitting behind his desk, too absorbed in whatever he was reading to notice her presence or the sound of her heels hitting the marble floor as she approached him. She placed her hand on his shoulder lightly, feeling him tense up at her touch.

He slowly averted his gaze from the impossibly tall stack of papers he was reading— or whatever else he was doing with them—and turned around in his chair to look at her through the curtain of fluffy brown hair that fell in front of his eyes.

Her heart jumped when she realized who he was, and for a second the thought of leaving crossed her mind, but going on a date with him still seemed a whole lot better than marrying a guy her grandparents chose, so she forced herself to snap out of it. _Think sexy thoughts_, she told herself.

"Why hello mister Oliver," she uttered in the most sultry voice she could muster—which, thanks to the nervous lump in her throat, ended up sounding more like an old man with laryngitis. This was _definitely _going to be an interesting experience.

Jade smiled a little when she caught the flicker of recognition that flashed across his face. He let out a loud, nervous cough and wiped his forehead with the back of his arm as she raised her hand to show him the shiny pair of scissors she'd purchased for the occasion. She watched his chocolate eyes widen in terror as she twirled them around slowly in her fingers.

"Hey," He whispered.

"Remember me?" _Stupid question. S_he knew he hadn't forgotten about her. after all, she'd been the reason for a lot of delicious bruising on his body—and a whole lot of heartbreak. And pain, and— _yeah._

"Of course. You're the girl from summer camp who cut off my hair while I was asleep." He mentioned to say somewhat jokingly.

Jade's mind wandered back to her summer at Hollywood Arts acting camp and the long nights she spent hiding from the world with this boy. She'd fallen for him the moment they first met; suddenly, but hard non the less. It all ended when she caught him backstage, making out with Brittany—a blonde whose boobs were just about as fake as her smile. Sure, he'd apologised to her, bought her flowers, coffee, but she'd refused to take him back. _She still thought of him a lot, though._

Stuffing the scissors in her boot, Jade leaned forward until her face was just inches from his and she was sure he could feel her warm breathing on his lips, grinning when he swallowed audibly. Pressing her lips to his cheek lightly, she let them trail along his jaw all the way up to his ear. Her lips lingered there for a second too long. In a way, she mused, it was like staying in the shower for a few minutes longer than necessary; _just to savor that warm fuzzy feeling; o__ut of pure selfishness._ "I need you to do me a favor," she whispered, kissing his earlobe lightly before pulling back, satisfied with the adorable blush that tinted his cheeks.

Beck wiped the flustered look off his face and shortly regained his composure, silently thanking Sikowitz—his crazy old acting teacher—for the many _drive by acting exercises_ he'd made him do. "Anything illegal?"

"Dangerous maybe, but illegal? no."

"Wait, dangerous?" he inquired. His left hand—which rested on his knee—trembled ever so slightly, and he was staring at her with huge, caramel colored eyes that even in the fluorescent lighting, looked nothing short of gorgeous. It took every shred of her willpower not to break, _because_ _damn he was cute when he was scared.  
><em>

"You," she said, gesturing towards him, "are going to be my date this friday."

"And just asking me wouldn't have worked? I thought I was going to end up hiding a body for you or something!" He exclaimed.

"Nah, I think I'll stick with my good ol' highschool ways. Besides, I like my guys terrified." She said with a wink.

Had it been anyone else, he would have called the police by now. But this was Jade West _—_and he had been waiting for this moment since acting camp all those years ago_—s_o instead he just sat there, admiring her pale blue eyes, the way her dress hugged every curve of her body, and each inch of enticing, creamy skin it showed; because besides the scissors she'd pointed at him before, that was all he saw.

"Since I have no choice, when am I supposed to pick you up?"

"Eight o' clock tonight. I'll text you my address," She said. And with that—she walked through the office doors, not allowing him the time to change his mind._ He could do that later._

"Wait!" He called after her, "how did you get my number?"

Instead of answering, she just turned around to smirk at him some more before closing the door behind her, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

* * *

><p>Congrats! you are one step away from getting <span>free digital cupcakes!<span> if you're interested, these are the easiest ways to get them:

_1) review._

_2) check out my Bade one-shot **On The Contrary.**_

_3) favorite or follow._

_4) PM me your suggestions._

_5) review Bella-nee's work_

**Love and Bade kisses,**

**Mandy and Bella.**


End file.
